A Day of Obsidian : Vasili Vs Shaun
by Xesum
Summary: Vasili and Shaun have a bit of a fight on W0rf0x's server.


**THE OBSIDIAN STORY - Prologue**

It's a peaceful day on [YaS] W0rf0x's server and 16 members of the forum all decided to test out W0rf0x's new "Disco Map", in which he had been experimenting with lasers and linear movement lights in Hammer.

However, not to his knowledge, all hell would break loose on his lovely server, because it's just this day, that two of the forum members both decided to go on his server at the same time, and these two hated each other, they both wanted to be forum clown. As you know, there can only be one clown; it's one of the fundamental rules of the internet, not #34 or #35 though. It is one of the great rules that sits on the web page that lists them, right next to: There is no spoon.

Although we have to ask ourselves the ultimate question, the ultimate question is still yet to be questioned, and even so, it has to be found. And that last sentence has to be questioned, and my judgement of questioning the questioning of the question of the question will have to be questioned. And so on and so forth. This cycle is infinite, life is infinite, Space is infinite, but most importantly, the plot line of the story of and story is infinite.

This story is about the fight, the conflict, the war, the battle, between Vasili and Shaun, the two clowns of the Obsidian Conflict forum.

_War does not determine who is right - only who is left. ~Bertrand Russell _

_...and War, War never changes. - James._

**Vasili Vs. Shaun – Chapter 1**

First we would end up meeting somewhere near that club that w0rf0x works at, so we will at first not notice each other in the gloom and techno awesome of the Nightclub he works at, then W0rf0x will, by accident, play Gandorques Hikla's "OC_Minimall Sucks" when he was staring a Keychain, then Vasili decided to attract some attention to himself by shouting "LOLLASDLASLDAS PANTI|ZZ". Next thing that happens is that Blues will come in and try to restrain Vasili, making many upon Many jokes about Vasili's smartness in the process of doing so. When this happens Shaun will notice all the Kerfuffle going on, and will walk over towards Vasili to pick a bone with him.

Vasili then shouted down Shaun's Ear "OI RETARD!!! STOP BEING DUMBER THAN ME".

Shaun then answered "I CANT HEAR YOU"

Then the Speakers went "OC MINIMALL SUCKS"

Then W0rf0x said "Nobody messes about in my nightclub..."

Then Fug4Life comes out of the bathroom, and questions what the fuck has been going on whilst he was on the toilet (Mongolia).

W0rf0x, Vasili, Blues, and Cyan all stared at Fug4Life, as if he was Vasili or Shaun.

"Hi" Exclaimed Cyan.

"What the heck?" Questioned Fug4Life.

After many baffling questions and miss-hearings of each other, the members of "Club Obsidian" decided to get on a plane to America for some Unexplained Reason.

At the airport, they all bump into Cyan who somehow got there before everyone else, by using the exploit of jumping on one bit of the car and then climbing over the fence and call in the helicopter, thus taking 10 minutes and thousands of zombies will be killed. Anyway, the plane is delayed due to some random reason that isn't explained in the plot of this story. And Shaun and Vasili end up having to sit next to each other, as Fug4life and W0rf0x don't want to baby-sit either of them.

Blues just walked out of the shop in the airport, and with him, he had:

3 newspapers  
15 bags of crisps  
14 chocolate bars  
20 cans of drink  
2 Pork Pies  
And about 20 sandwiches.

With all this food being carried in his arms, he quickly handed it all out to all of the Forum Members, and W0rf0x then decided to play some music on his MP3 player, and everyone began to dance.

After about 5 minutes of dancing, Keychain decided to take off her top, and she was wearing under that top, a white t-shirt with a black bra on, and she was almost instantly covered in water after Vasili and Shaun were fighting over the bottle of water. JerC and Shiftey were both talking about dick size when all this was happening, and then Vasili ran up to them and shouted "HAHAHA MINE IS 6 and a half!!!". Following these events Vasili then decided to go up to Keychain and shout "LOLASDASDASDAWDAD BRASFAFWFWAWDAWZZZZ", Keychain slapped Vasili so hard, that he began to cry, then Blues slapped Keychain for doing what he wanted to do, then W0rf0x came over and slapped all 3 in the style of the 3 stooges.

Later after this mess-up, the plane was still delayed, so Vasili, bored like hell, decided to get out his laptop and make a shitty 30 minute map, this map was Oc_train_v2a, and Vasili made it because Fug4Life had calculated that it would of been quicker to go to America by train.

When the plane finally arrived at the airport, the Members of the Forum all rushed towards Gate 5C in terminal 5, but of course, like in any other movie that involves airports, the cliché that someone will always forget their passport will happen. Fug4Life had left his passport in his house, but Vasili was kind enough to hide him in a bag.

When the Forum got on the plane, the captain of the plane turned out to be none other than Quagmire from Family Guy, Gigedy. With about 10 minutes for the plane to even think about taking off, the forum all decided to get out the laptops and have argumental discussions about dick size.

"Mine's the biggest! 6.6 Inches" Gloated Vasili.

"I don't think so! 7 Inches!!!!" Exaggerated Cyan..

"6.1" said Oniyuri, in an embarrassed tone of voice.

"Shut the hell up you faggots!" Yelled W0rf0x, at the top of his voice.

Everyone in the Forum decided to be quiet for a while, and everyone was quiet until Cyan decided to show everyone his Photoshop Re-colours of the "OCEVAS". Not that many people were impressed, and Vasili, wild and crazy, decided to complain to Cyan that he didn't use [img] tags.

The bafflement continued on the plane.

"What the fuck are indices?!?!" Yelled Shiftey.

The Flight Attendants, looking rather scared now, decided it was time to take off, but Blues was acting strange. Not that it was known to many members of the forum, but Blues hated planes. Shaun and Vasili were both trying to kill each other with their seatbelts while Blues was having a Moment. Then, Suddenly, Fug4Life (with all his might) decided to get up, with a gun, and hijack the plane and take it to America himself, because he was tired of waiting.

The Flight attendants, in all the chaos, decided to switch Shaun with W0rf0x, because Vasili and Shaun were arguing over silly little things. W0f0x, now in much regret, started to play Caramelldansen just to get everyone to shut up, but this wasn't working, so Vasili then played You Spin Me Right Round by Dead or Alive (Not the crappy version by Florida) and somehow this made everyone spin their fingers in a circle, causing much distress to W0rf0x.

In the only Toilet on the Plane, Blues and Keychain were both in the toilet, and of course, both getting their membership to the Mile High Club. The Sexual Screams and "ohs" were echoing around the plane, and W0rf0x was now even more distressed.

Shaun was now sat on his own, playing Super Smash Bros. On his laptop, so with Shaun being his retard-like self, he decided to have 2 Captain Falcons fight each other, both making them do a Falcon Punch. But when you have 2 Falcon Punches Collide, it fucks shit up.

"ARGH MY LAPTOP BLUESCREENED!!!" He yelled.

"Lol Noob." Exclaimed Vasili.

But then, when Blues and Keychain had finished doing what they were doing in the toilet, Blues came charging out with a Rhythm Stick and started to beat the shit out of Vasili with it. W0rf0x then grabbed Blues and threw him across the plane, causing much chaos in the process of doing so.

Later on, the plane was halfway across the North Atlantic Ocean, and then suddenly, the alarms of the plane are ringing, and Fug4Life comes running down the corridor saying "IVE LOST CONTROL, WE'RE GONNA CRASH!!!". W0rf0x was reading a package from his parents, with a message on it saying "Would You Kindly Not open this until you get home?", Vasili decided it was time to Jack one off and so, he got out his 6.6" and Jacked, 3 and a half minutes later, a cloudy warm sticky fluid was on the seat Shiftey, but he was to busy talking to JerC about life to notice.

However, Now everyone was arguing over Opera copying Firefox, and Chrome and IE copying Firefox too, but then Vasili then said, Opera is like the original Farming map "Harvest", and it's just that everyone had copied that, but other Firefox users will look at Opera and go "IT COPIED IT!!!".

Everyone was now agreeing over this discussion, but as soon as they did **BOOM,** the plane crashed into the Ocean next to an odd Stone lighthouse structure.

"Get out" Blurted General Francisco Franco randomly, but nobody but Fug4life seemed to take any notice of him.

"Pardon?" Asked Fug4Life.

"Two Dogs and Toilet Paper." General Francisco Franco replied.

"What the hell?" Questioned Vasili, with his eyes staring at General Francisco Franco.

"Have you Heard?" Asked General Francisco Franco, obviously trying to change the subject by answering Vasili's question with a question.

"About what?" Questioned Vasili.

"That the bird is the word, B-B-B Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the bird, Bird bird bird bird bird b-b-b bird bird bird, bird is the word, ah don't you know about the bird, YEAH! Everyone knows that the bird is the word, B-b-b Bird bird, Bird is word." Said General Francisco Franco Randomly, causing the all members of the Forum to slowly edge away from General Francisco Franco, all but Shaun, who was staring at General Francisco Franco intensely.

"SHAUN!!! GET AWAY FROM HIM!!!" Screamed Fug4Life.

"But... He's... So... Cool..." Said Shaun, eyes open like he was some Animé Character.

"Let me Handle it!" Ordered Vasili, slowly marching towards Shaun with intent to kill in his eye, Then Quick as a flash, **WHAM**, **Kabam **and **Thud**. Shaun was on the floor after Vasili had beaten him up a little bit. Everyone's eyes quickly turned towards Vasili and Shaun, and then Vasili punched Shaun in the Stomach 3 times, like he was Mr Universe, but then Shaun Jumped up and grabbed Vasili by the neck, causing Vasili to choke for a while, but then Vasili kicked Shaun in the nuts, causing pain that every man in the world has felt. But out of nowhere! Joe Scoma came back from not existing and grabbed both of them and smashed their heads together as if he was Chuck Norris!

"Oh... Hey er Joe" said W0rf0x nervously.

"I'm Ba-" Said Joe, just as he was interrupted by Vasili pushing him over into the North Atlantic Ocean.

*Splash* Said the Ocean.

"He's been here far too long, thank you for getting rid of him." said General Francisco Franco

"YAY 1000 Posts" Said Vasili randomly, causing everyone to look at him like he was stupid, Vasili now had that embarrassed retarded look on his face.

"I can just as easily set it back to 0 posts and -1800000 OC Cash, Just like that!" Snapped W0rf0x, then just as he said that, Shaun jumped on his back and started hitting W0rf0x repeatedly. After many hours of W0rf0x and Shaun fighting, General Francisco Franco decided that it was time to blabber on about things, but Fug4Life just hastily put his hand over his mouth. Cyan and Blues both whispered to each other over what would happen, but never the less, Neico was the one to fix things.

"Um, what's going on?" Questioned Neico in that tone of voice that suggests fear.

"I think you guys should ban everyone." Suggested General Francisco Franco.

*General Francisco Franco was banned for 7 days.*

"Thank god he is gone!" Yelled Shaun.

After the members of the forum got all their stuff together, they all decided to get inside the large, ancient like, stone lighthouse, and went down the stairs that were somehow air-tight from the North Atlantic Ocean. But anyway, Fug4Life was looking like a timid rabbit inside a new cage at all the features in the lighthouse.

"I Don't think this place is safe." said Fug4Life.

They all went inside a lift, and it started to go down, down down, deeper and down, going further and further and deeper and more and more and more down, until it stopped, at a dark place, full of luggage, then **CRASH **and then a scream was heard, then a bang, then a SPLOICER suddenly appeared, tearing a human to pieces.

"Would you kindly pick up that radio?" Said a voice.

"WOULD YOU KINDLY SHUT THE FUCK UP???!!!???!!!" shouted Vasili.

"Would you kindly, would you kindly, would you kindly, would you kindly, would you kindly, would you kindly, would you kindly, would you kindly, would you kindly, would you kindly, would you kindly, would you kindly, would you kindly, would you kindly, would you kindly, would you kindly, would you kindly, would you kindly, would you kindly, would you kindly..."

"Just one of those days, eh?

As the members of the forum all carefully walked through the city of Crapture, Cyan noticed these red vending machines, with clowns on them, he was getting scared by them.

"Hey it's our plane... oh it's crashed where we want to go, great..." Said W0rf0x.

"Why are there dead snakes on it?" asked Vasili.

"Because it's snakes on a freaking plane." said a voice that came from the machine. "Hello new-comers, I'm Hel- *cough* Andrew Ryan. Welcome, Welcome to Crapture, you have chosen, or been chosen, to be relocate to one of our finest remaining under water cities. I thought so much of Crapture, that I elected to establish my Administration here in the Crapture Central Control so thoughtfully provided by our Ryan Industries. I have been proud to call Crapture my home. And so, whether you are here to stay, or passing through on your way to parts unknown, welcome to Crapture." Said Andrew Ryan.

The Obsidian Members all looked at the place where the voice came from, they all looked at each other like sheep and carried on towards the place marked with "Exit", but not to their knowledge, it was Hell-Met, a user they pretty much kicked out of "Club Obsidian" for being a harsh moron.

As the Members reached the exit, they were suddenly interrupted by a large robotic thing that had a large drill for a hand, Cyan looked at it and said "ITS SOOO COOL".

"Oh Mr Bubbles, new guests" said a little girl behind the Robot.

"I think we're in the wrong universe." Exclaimed W0rf0x, "Shall I change map?"

*Sending Client Information*

"Uh, W0rf0x, where are we?" Asked Shiftey. "Looks like the background for XP"

"Tysn's been messing around with the map files again I see." said W0rf0x.

"I DONT THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY FROM CRAPTURE THAT EASILY" said Andrew Ryan. "Now, Would you Kindly Kill me?".

Everyone looked at the bin his head was popping out of, everyone decided it was time to continually spam "HELP", but then Shaun, out of nowhere, ran up to Andrew Ryan and said "YOU ARE HELL MET!". But of course, nobody thought he was telling the truth because of the fact that he is Shaun.

After everyone died about 10 times, their ragdoll corpses lay in a stricken pile from where the laser cannon of Hell-Met had fired, although nobody had tried to do anything, Vasili and Shaun were, they were both hiding behind "Macromedia Flash" but unfortunately JerC had fell on a landmine, and he was lay on it, and couldn't move, or else he would die (because it would blow up).

Vasili nodded to Shaun, in a way that orders people around, Vasili then did a few hand movements, but then Shaun just blurted out "What?". Vasili Facepalmed. Vasili now had a slightly angry look on his face. "I JUST ORDERED YOU TO DISARM THAT LAND MINE!!!", he screamed.

"Uh, sorry to burst your bubble, but you ain't my boss." Said Shaun.

*Rocket Runner Has joined the game*

"LIKE HEY GUYS!!! HOW IS IT TOTALLY HANGING?" he said with a bit of saliva dribbling out of his mouth.

"urgh" said JerC, who was very scared.


End file.
